At home nowhere – and happy that way

1 Dec

I feel at home nowhere – and I hope to keep it that way as long as I can.

This Fall was my first semester at college. I attend the American University in Washington, DC, and will graduate in 2019. It’s a moderately small school with around 7,000 undergraduates. I’ve settled in quite well. Not without problems, such as the anxieties over future jobs and the occasional disappointing test grade. But overall, my social and academic college life is on to a great start.

As the semester winds up and I’m anticipating my trip to Peru later this month, I’ve been thinking about the concept of home. I’ve been to parents houses in New York and Boston a few times this semester, including on Thanksgiving. But each time, I have felt no more happiness to be home than any other time during the past five years of my life. If anything, it has felt strange to be home. It’s strange because a few things are different than I remember, but for the most part the home and the surroundings are the same. And I don’t like sameness and routine in my life. I like things to change. I want the town to be different each time, wherever I am. I have felt no less strange then I do when I step off the plane in a foreign country.

I have fond memories of being in both my mother and my father’s houses and going to school in the Boston area. My parents are both great, loving people in their own ways. But I don’t feel homesick or nostalgic for my past like some of my friends at college do.

I don’t think this is about my family situation, school situation, or anything from my teenage years. I think it’s just my personality. I love places, but I don’t feel a special attachment to any place in particular. I just like seeing everywhere I can, but as an observer, not a resident.

I am happy for people who are different then me and feel happy with their lives at one place they call home. I sometimes wonder if my parents wish I envy them, since they spend a lot of money for me to travel. But I don’t envy them. I’m comfortable in my own skin. My late high school days of anxiety, a desire to fit in like everyone else are over.

In 2 weeks I will be flying to Peru, ready to visit the last inhabited continent I have left to set foot in. I will be updating my blog regularly with travel advice about visiting the most prominent country of the high Andes.

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